Closure

Another year draws to an end..
a little too soon, a little too purposeless.
I got nowhere I wanted to be, hurt people without meaning to and got hurt even more. I didnt learn from my mistakes, I couldn't even be wise..in short, a lot of regrets over 2007. I remember going through New Year's eve last year wearing plastic smiles, telling people that I was good, wishing that they would stop asking..I knew I had hit rock bottom, physically and emotionally..and it was a relief in a way...knowing that I could only go on to better things from here.
It didnt work that way..and a year down the line I am in similar shit. Even worse perhaps coz the novelty of new beginnings is wearing off. I cant blame anybody really..but I cant even take blame myself..I went by intuition. I did what i felt to be right. I trusted those I loved. I gave things a chance. Maybe that is where i erred. I should have stopped believing in second chances long back. Should have kept to myself and chucked out the emotions. Should have listened to actions rather than words...
But then,one is always smarter in retrospection.
And just like this year,some phases need to be closed..some explanations need to be understood and some conclusions need to be drawn..It will be some time before I make my peace with love and God (if ever)...It will take me time to get back to my usual sunny self. But for today, I put an end to all this hurt and regret, all the expectations and brooding and hopeless longing. Sealed and closed.